Spring is in the air, and relationships old and new will be in full bloom. This is a good time to do some self-evaluation because no relationship can ever be better until you are better. Improving yourself improves your relationship. Don’t worry about the other person. Who you choose to be in a relationship with is a by-product of how you feel about yourself. Two healthy people are needed to build a healthy relationship.
First, take an honest look at yourself to determine if you are “relationship healthy.” How do you measure up in the areas of trust, honesty, communication, and commitment? How are you at anger management or conflict resolution? Do you have a healthy spiritual relationship with God? Are you financially responsible? Improving on any or all of these areas will improve your relationship.
Is your personal life in order? What is your relationship like with your family and friends? If you are not able to sustain a healthy relationship with family and friends, what does that say about the potential for a healthy intimate relationship? Brokenness inside of you will result in some form of brokenness in all of your relationships.
Secondly, a healthy relationship requires two healthy people so the other principle in the relationship must be evaluated as well. How do they honour their words? Have you witnessed them being dishonest with others in your presence? Do they honour their commitment with others? If a person is not honest with themselves, they will not be honest with others, and ultimately, they will not be honest with you. Be careful with this measurement. Before you turn the mirror on them, you must complete your self-evaluation.
Finally, a healthy relationship requires good spiritual health. Each of the principles in the relationship must be measured against God’s word. Don’t use yourself as a guide. If you have been dealing with counterfeit relationships your whole life, you may not know the real thing when you see it. Also, you are who you attract so neither of you will be qualified or capable of evaluating the other. Let God’s word be the measurement. When a man or a woman honours and keeps God’s word, they are living at a standard greater than themselves. This is the true test of spiritual and relationship maturity.
Healthy relationships require two healthy people. Improving your relationship is hard work. You or the person that you are interested in may not be relationship ready. You must first evaluate yourself, if you are not relationship healthy, you should not be in one. You cannot build on a shaky foundation. Once you are healthy, you will be able to see the real from the fake and determine respect from disrespect.
Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. For questions, comments or more information, go to www.tlhouston.com.