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Oct 25th

When its over, its over

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When it's over, it's over

No matter how great things start out, there's no guaranteed happy ending: so no matter how sad a surprise it turns out to be, when a relationship is over, my good man, it is over. All you can do then is move on.

No matter how great things start out, there's no guaranteed happy ending: so no matter how sad a surprise it turns out to be, when a relationship is over, my good man, it is over. All you can do then is move on.

Yes, you're dumbstruck. But don't stand there trying to figure out how to keep her from going. All that will do is prolong the pain. You cannot make someone want to be with you and that's all there is to it: hitch up your britches and get to steppin'. Note: "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" may have been a hit for The Temps, but is not recommended for practical application. She will not be moved by how badly you still want her - fool, if she doesn't know that by now, she'll never figure it out - and all you'll wind up doing is humiliating yourself and getting scuffed knees. Go with Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me." That's your reality check.

For one, no matter how fine a catch she was, the old saying put it best - there's too many fish in the sea for you to sit around with your thumb up your butt, pining over the one that got away. Never mind if she dumped you, doing a futile inventory searching for some reason why. What does it matter? True, whatever she told you probably was some stock line (women innately say everything except what's on their minds, it's just the way they're wired) - but figuring out why she left is going to change exactly what? Look at it like this: for whatever reason, she blew. Move on. Never mind if you dumped her and have rethought it, even thinking about asking for a second chance. Even if she doesn't tell you to go straight to Hell, if she gives you a sweet smile along with "Oh, baby, this and that" - it may as well be a shark grinning. She just be waiting for the chance to eat you alive out of what we'll call Jaws The Revenge. You blew. So move on.

This is not to say you should play Superstud and pretend you don't feel anything. You're not invulnerable, despite how you want to look in front of the fellas. Just accept that with sufficient time the hurt will heal and you'll be every bit as good as new (you really will, cross my heart and hope to eat a dead frog).

When you see her out and about, don't - I repeat, don't! - do things to make sure she notices you. When you get home that night, resist all temptation to devise ways to get her back. Remember, you're supposed to be moving on, not holding on.

Paramount; maintain as much dignity as possible (yeah, you dyin' inside, but see the part about "Ain't Too Proud to Beg"). Don't disparage her good name, calling the woman all kind of witches and gardening tools. That's not going to do a thing except perhaps reinforce for her the idea that she was absolutely right to leave your behind. It also may prompt some of her huskier relatives to show a bit of interest in whether you're able to continue walking without the aid of crutches. Also, though I'm not a great believer in self-help books, there's one called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" that works wonders, kind of a first-aid kit for broken hearts: it won't change things, but it sure will help you deal with them at lot better than men usually do.

P.S. You walked into it as a gentleman. That - whether or not she was a lady at the end - is the way you want to walk out. Head up, with your self-respect intact. Bottom line, the only way you're going to get past it is to - did I already say this? -- move on.
 

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