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Nov 23rd

You have to take and give time to heal, then try to be best of friends

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You have to take and give time to heal, then try to be best of friends

Here's the scenario: You didn't cheat or otherwise do her dirt. But for her own reasons (whatever she says, it's likely she got bored - don't take it personally, a woman can find a way to be bored by the Second Coming), the lady chose to no longer be all hugged up, making your love-life a living, breathing miracle. You showed enough sense not to beg her to stay and, hard as it was, wished her well. Difficult as it is, you're pushing past the pain to go your way. Then, in the sweetest of tones, she hits you with that old saw, "Can't we be friends?"
Here's the scenario: You didn't cheat or otherwise do her dirt. But for her own reasons (whatever she says, it's likely she got bored - don't take it personally, a woman can find a way to be bored by the Second Coming), the lady chose to no longer be all hugged up, making your love-life a living, breathing miracle. You showed enough sense not to beg her to stay and, hard as it was, wished her well. Difficult as it is, you're pushing past the pain to go your way. Then, in the sweetest of tones, she hits you with that old saw, "Can't we be friends?"

The quandary: you don't want to come off like a sore loser, but you ain't about to be no sucker. What to do? Freshly sprung, all caught up, you're too twisted to grab your asterisks with either hand. So, brotha-man, Umma help you out. The answer is "yes, but." That's what I said and it's not a typo: Yes, but.

Take it like this. Were you ever friends in the first place? If, before you were lovers, y'all used to just hang and kick the willy bobo, talk heart-to-heart and generally be buddies, then wound up in a love affair that simply didn't work out, yeah, there's a previous state of affairs to which you should be able to return. After you've finished grieving the lost love, the failed romance. If that's not the case, if the sweet strains of heartstrings playing a heavenly tune completely ruled the day, it's the same thing only different. What you gon' build a friendship out of? Thin air? This is not to say she doesn't have wondrously admirable, non-horizontal attributes. But each and every one of those attractions will have you wanting to get back to where they originally led you -- in love. And there you'll both be, sitting around eating pizza and talking about the weather, acting like it's a new day while all you really want to do, homeslice, is get everything back to where it used to be.

Your answer is -- don't think about it, not in your condition, just take my word -- "Yes, but, not right now." You first need to get all that home-cooked lovin' she put on you out your system. Out of your pores. Expunged from your exquisitely fevered late night dreams. Best as you can, anyway. Long enough to start thinking straight again. And there's no timetable. It takes as long as it takes. If, once you're once more yourself, she's still talking about being pals, try this: itch and moan about your favorite sports team and why the owner should be boiled in oil, like you do with the friends you already have. If she can run with that, cool. Otherwise, all the woman wants is attention.

Bottom line, when she comes with "Let's be friends", don't agree just because you're clutching at straws in the hope that she'll come back. And, listen close, don't grouse, "Hell, no!" just because things didn't go your way. Unless she was truly foul, that's just childish. Let her know you need time to heal. If she cared about you, she not only needs time to do the same thing, she'll have no problem appreciating and respecting that you weren't just in it to wrinkle the sheets; that you cared about her and are now caring about yourself.

At that point, sure, there is no reason on God's green earth why you and she can't be the best of friends.
 

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