Why do we hate the Packers?
Okay, time to play fair. Since we looked at the big picture of "Why we love the Vikings" last week, I figure it's only right to examine the other side of the Purple Cheese War. Packers Suck! Okay, time to play fair. Since we looked at the big picture of "Why we love the Vikings" last week, I figure it's only right to examine the other side of the Purple Cheese War. Packers Suck! That is the war cry of the Purple People. Actually, unlike the Vikings who have closet fans all across the country, to be a Packers fan you have to have some Wisconsin blood connection to even think about liking a team with uniforms that ugly.
Growing up, I could not figure out for the life of me what would make a group of people choose to be visually broadcast across the world wearing those uniforms. Last week I suggested that I might wear a purple tutu in exchange for an NFL contract, but at least I could use the excuse that ladies like purple. Green and gold works for Sprite and canaries, but the Packers version of those colors seems like it was devised by a state known for their cheese industry. They sure can cook up some cheese though.
The football war between the Vikings and Packers is virtually even after several decades of competition. Thus, the back and forth of the "border battle" is bankable. Vikings fans should repeat that ten times fast to get over the recent history of losses.
Both the Vikings and the Packers have storied histories. The Packers history is laced with glorious periods and putrid periods. The glorious periods are crowned with championships. The putrid periods are crowned with names like Tony Mandarich. The Vikings have up trends and down trends, but they always have a fun storyline. Being a Raiders fan, I can comfort Vikings fans by testifying that even if your team has championships in the past, all it takes is three or four bad seasons for the whole football world to act like the franchise has never been good. Haters: Black is beautiful!
In recent history, the Packers Nation has benefited from an ultra-consistent quarterback presence. I'm sure that the Vikings quarterback count is somewhere between ten or twenty since Brett Farve appeared on the scene in the early '90s. Having one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time on the other side of the rivalry provides the Purple People with plenty of reasons to be salty.
The whole rivalry screams Hatfield vs. McCoy, or Mars vs. Venus. There is nothing cosmopolitan about anything within the Wisconsin border, versus Minnesota which is the birthplace of Prince. Minnesota has a dual Metropolis; Wisconsin has . . . a few big hotels by the Dells. Somebody help me, but I can't recall the Green Bay Packers having any Packerettes. See there, Purple People, wouldn't you rather have cheerleaders than championships? Or at least cheerleaders who don't wear bright orange camouflage hunting uniforms? Maybe that's why I haven't seen them.
I speak to the Vikings fans in therapeutic fashion. Don't hate the Packers. After all, they are your neighbors. Packer Nation is built of good ol' country folk from the north. They eat cheese, drink beer and move to Minneapolis when they're ready for some action. Then for good measure, they calmly accept the bad-natured ribbing from Vikings fans. Personally I like the Wisconnies. One of my most favorite football fan memories placed me and two of the homies at the Lacrosse, WI community Super Bowl gathering as the Packers played the Denver Broncos. Three Brothas in Broncos colors dancing, laughing and slappin' five in front of a packed house of drunk, grizzled Packer fans. Now that was fun. The bouncerexpressed concern that maybe we should leave early that night. We stayed and comforted the cheeseheads; they're good people.
I declare: If you hate the Packers, you hate cheese!
Cheese is synonymous with love. If you love your girl or guy, you put cheese on their sandwich (barring lactose intolerance a.k.a. bad gas). So if you have ever wrapped your lips arou