At the beginning of this year, I wrote an article, “Is he husband material?” It listed five essential ingredients as seen from a man’s perspective. My ingredients for husband material were responsibility, accountability, positive attitude about marriage, desire to be married, and a willingness to share his life. This week, I asked my daughter, Nicole, to share her top five items from a woman’s perspective. These items will supplement my previous list and provide balance to the all important relationship discussion. Here are Nicole’s five items that make up good husband material.
1. A good husband must make a woman feel safe. The most important thing that a husband can provide to a wife is a sense of security. Does he make his woman feel safe? When a man and woman are together, does the woman feel as if she is protected physically and emotionally? I remember when I was a little girl and my dad would be gone all night because he had duty as a Marine. Those were extra scary nights because our house felt unprotected. As soon as he walked through the door the next morning and yelled, “I’m home” it was as if an invisible barrier went up and our house was then safe. And all women want to feel like their husbands will take care of them.
2. A good husband shouldn’t overvalue sex. Women and men value sex much differently. When men get married, they automatically think that the sex is going to become mediocre, decreased, or denied all together. Sex is something special, it is a joining of two people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If it is the most important thing to him, then everything else (trust, communication, understanding) will take a passenger seat. There are three inevitable facts about sex. First, sex will only take you so far in a relationship; your character, morals, and adaptability will take you much farther. Second, sex is something that can be improved with openness and patience. And third, there is always going to be someone else willing and able to outdo what you do best. So be very sure that his value of sex is not the ultimate factor of him giving you the marriage stamp of approval.
3. A good husband must respect his wife. Although everyone wants to be respected, it is a must that a husband respects his wife. Women have the tendency to be with men who substitute respect for compliments. Just because a man tells a woman that she is smart or independent does not mean that those are qualities that the man likes about a woman. A man who does not value what a woman has to offer will ultimately turn her into something less than the authentic woman she is truly. If he doesn’t respect a woman as a girlfriend, it will not change once the ring goes on the finger. As husband material, he needs to value her presence, opinions, contributions, and feelings.
4. A good husband must be like-minded. A lot of relationships fail because the people are on two different paths through life. Husband and wife should be liked-minded in how they envision their future. Biblically speaking, a person should be with someone who is equally yoked. Even though opposites attract, opposite paths will only lead in one direction, further way from each other. There should never be a need for a man to cross over someone else’s dreams to achieve his own.
5. A good husband must be ready. Women love to hint, prod, and practically force men into popping the question. Some have dreamed and planned every aspect of how those sacred moments will happen. Men, however, do things when they feel they are right and in their own time. Men are like cakes. Read most directions on baking a cake, they read, “Insert a toothpick in the center and if it comes out clean, your cake is ready.” If one takes the cake out too soon, there will be visible flaws like the cake is sunken and uneven or internal indicators like the cake is gooey and inedible. If a woman tries to make a man marry her before he is ready, the results will not be as good as they could have been if she had waited until the man was also ready.
There is no complete list for what is husband material. The ingredients will vary between men and women and from relationship to relationship. As we continue down this discussion about what goes into a healthy relationship, meaningful communication will be the key ingredient. The voice of both the man and the woman must be heard. As I continue in dialogue about this all important topic of relationships, I will continue to insert a woman’s perspective into the discussion.
Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. For questions, comments or more information, go to www.tlhouston.com or email at