Insight News

Feb 06th

Overcoming the fear of being alone

E-mail Print PDF
timothy-houston 01-webLoneliness is a harmful condition that can be caused by the fear of being alone, and / or an unhealthy view of self. Loneliness is a negative state because it equals you minus the other. It suggests that you are less when others are not present. It makes you dependent on other people instead of using your time alone to work on yourself. This is an indication that you may be placing greater importance on others than yourself. Relationship with other is a byproduct of “self,” and as a result, strengthening your self, strengthens your relationships. 

Men and women view extended time alone differently. Men often see time alone as an opportunity to do the things they like. They go hunting, fishing, or on any other outings that will allow them time to get away. Women have a different view on this. They see time alone as being absent from the ones they love. Under no circumstance do they want to be by themselves. These women feel incomplete when the significant people in their life are not around. The fear of loneliness is one of the reasons some women allow themselves to be with men who are unhealthy for them.

Overcoming the fear of loneliness begins when people change the value they place on themselves. You must purposely and deliberately choose relationships that add value to you. If a woman is with someone that does not add value to her (Mr. Wrong), she is missing out on the opportunity to meet Mr. Right. Also, this temporary relationship does not allow her the time alone needed to discover the real self-value that comes from reflecting within. Whenever a woman settles for less, she ends up lessening herself. This is the end result of the fear of loneliness.

Overcoming the fear of being alone is complete when you turn loneliness into aloneness. Aloneness is power and freedom. When there is no significant other, when there is quiet time, you have the power to develop yourself, to become greater. All your energy and effort, the time and energy that you might otherwise have to expend on other people can be concentrated on you. Time alone allows you the opportunity to gain the knowledge that will show you how to attract those that will add positive value to who you are.

“Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.” Osho - The Discipline of Transcendence Volume 1, Chapter 2

No more loneliness! This is a matter of choosing your perspective. Going forward, change the way you look at time alone, and turn loneliness into aloneness. This will be a great benefit to you because you are most powerful when your energy is not used up caring for others. Because of the God-given power within, you do not need anyone to make you whole. God has declared you to be all together beautiful and fearfully and wonderfully made. Never settle for less. This is the true knowledge of self and the power you get from being alone with Him.

Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities. For questions, comments or more information, go to


Recent Comments

Powered by Disqus

Facebook Twitter RSS Image Map

Latest show

  • October 20, 2015
    Jessica Jackson, co-pastor, Impact Living Christian Center in South Minneapolis.

Business & Community Service Network