Insight News

Feb 12th

The power of being alone

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Men and women view extended time alone differently. Men see time alone as an opportunity to do the things they like. They will go hunting, fishing, or on any other outings that will allow them time to get away. Women have a different view on this. They see time alone as being absent from the ones they love. Some women even view it as a time of loneliness which is a negative state. The fear of loneliness is one of the reasons some women allow themselves to be with men who are unhealthy for them. They take the approach that a half of a man is better that no man at all.

The real truth is that a healthy relationship is better than an unhealthy one, and unhealthy relationships take up valuable time, energy, and emotional and physical resources. If a woman is with someone that does not add value to her (Mr. Wrong), she is missing out on the opportunity to meet Mr. Right.  Also, this temporary relationship does not allow her the time alone needed to discovery the real self-value that comes from reflecting within. Whenever a woman settles for less, she ends up lessening herself. This is the end result of the fear of loneliness.

“There is a tremendous difference between loneliness and loneness. When you are lonely, you are thinking of the other, feeling that it would have been better if the other - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband – were there.  Loneliness is absence of the other.”
Osho - The Discipline of Transcendence Volume 1, Chapter 2

Loneliness is a harmful condition that is caused by an unhealthy view of self. Allowing yourself to become lonely is a negative state because it equals you minus the other. This is an indication that you may be placing greater importance on others than yourself. Loneliness suggests that you are less when others are not present. It makes you dependent on other people instead of using your time alone to work on yourself. Relationship with other is a byproduct of “self,” and as a result, strengthening your self, strengthens your relationships. This is what I call the power of “aloneness.”

“Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.”
Osho - The Discipline of Transcendence Volume 1, Chapter 2

Aloneness is power and freedom. When there is no significant other, when there is quiet time, you have the power to develop yourself, to become greater than you are. All your energy and effort, the time and energy that you might otherwise have to expend on other people can be concentrated on yourself. People do the most harm to themselves when they lack the knowledge needed to change their current situations, to avoid the relationships that will drain them of self. Time alone allows you the opportunity to gain the knowledge that will show you how to attract those that will add positive value to who you are. 

Going forward, change the way you look at time alone. Turn loneliness into aloneness. This will be a great benefit to you because you are most powerful when your energy is not used up caring for others. This will not take from you. Because of the God-given power within, you do not need anyone to make you whole. The Father has done that for you. He has declared you to be all together beautiful and fearfully and wonderfully made. Never settle for less. This is the true knowledge of self and the power you get from being alone God.

Timothy Houston is an author, minister, and motivational speaker who is committed to guiding positive life changes in families and communities.  For questions, comments or more information, go to


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